It wasn’t lost on Mr. Sports and I that the wedding is just a day and a marriage is for life. Weddings are nice and all, but they’re really just a big party. Would you throw a party, inviting all your friends and family, and spend $30,000? Your Birthday, Graduation, Bat Mitzvah, Halloween?
Ok, I knew a guy that owned a $40,000 chandelier in his (very large) house in my home city, and a mansion on a private island in Florida, and always flew business class, and his family owned condominiums (not one unit but the whole building) overseas. He did actually have $30,000 parties sometimes.
But most of us don’t.
Mr. Sports and I searched, asked friends for referrals, scoured local online classifieds, got creative, and hand-made our way to a $10,000 wedding. I know, magic, right? Truthfully, I was doing most of the getting creative, hand-making, and searching and Mr. Sports was doing most of the deal fetching, because he had the car – but we did it. Mr. Sports is not exactly careful enough to cut and assemble all the invitations without chopping some in half or chopping off some fingers. I know, should have trusted him, but didn’t. He may have surprised me….ooor I may have had to call the ambulance more than once.
Surprisingly, cost and planning aren’t the hardest part of a wedding. Sure, more people will be allergic to more things than you thought possible if you sampled 80 people (the people invited), but something else will take you by surprise. The behaviour and attitudes of friends and family.
We found out the hard way that those we expected to be most encouraging often weren’t. This is where you find out your partner’s family has one or more estranged siblings and feuds. Then you find out some of your own cousins aren’t on speaking terms. Then your Aunt, who is unhappy in her marriage and wants to divorce your uncle, incessantly harasses you about marriage being a waste of time and money. Then this same Aunt gets her mother all wound up and now your Grandmother is also telling you not to bother getting married. Then one of your brothers, who has been with his girlfriend for about 7 years but neither proposes to her nor cuts her loose, is vague about attending your wedding because he’s obviously dealing with his own issues. You know his girlfriend wants to get married too because she leaves Wedding Bells and Today’s Bride magazines in his car….accidentally I’m sure. Family members will also take it upon themselves to populate your guest list with people they have invited, telling you after then have extended the invitation on your behalf. You will scramble to re-count who’s coming, reconsider who you’re inviting, and hope for declined RSVP’s to fit these unexpected guests in. You’ll grudgingly send this guest an official invite – reminding yourself its not their fault and they’re innocent in all of this. Then there’s the guest who will invite her little sister, a minor, to your wedding (with adult only reception) with an open bar. Her boyfriend was named on the invite but she can substitute whoever she wants, right?
Weddings bring family feuds and bad behaviour to the forefront.
How the hell are 2 people supposed to get married in all of this?