I’m going to re-blog this article because it sums up a lot of what I went through for the last decade +. Some of my experiences are even more extreme and absurd asshole-ness, but this gent does a great job of writing a man’s perspective of events leading up to relationship breakdown. I think the 2 men in my life prior to my current relationship would never be able to grasp the concepts presented, but for men reading his blog and open letters to shitty husbands with a open mind there may be hope. Great read.
I’ve never had a blog before (well, livejournal and deadjournal don’t count do they?), so this is rather new to me and I’ll see if anyone reads this. I tend to ramble a lot too, so be patient, I’ll get to the point eventually.
What’s got me going, actually, is wedding preparation. You see I never imagined myself married – at least not happily. I’d always pictured myself the old spinster or the miserable wife, in charge of kids, house, dishes, laundry, bills, holding down a job, and wondering where the hell my husband is – only for him to come home and plop down in front of the TV complaining how tiring it was to attend meetings and wine and dine at the company’s expense. Yup, black or white with no middle ground. Marriage = misery. Happy is a lie! You’re far better off being on your own.
I almost had that misery too – twice! Twice I was asked to be married, and twice it didn’t work out, and twice over I’m glad about it not working! Sure I succumbed to long term relationships, and I did receive some emotional and financial dents, but it could have been a lot worse. No kids, no mortgage, when it was over I just walked away – well aside from withholding possessions, harassing phone calls, and some stalking – but mostly I was off scot-free.
Don’t get me wrong, I tried my best to give each relationship the best I could. Actually, I was really the only one trying. Reading advice in books and articles, trying to express my needs gently, fighting fairly, having patience, considering their point of view, and all the rest. It didn’t work, I was cut down, torn apart, interrupted, blamed, and accused at every chance the other party got. Each time I tried for years. Funny enough, when I finally left, my partner would be completely and totally shocked. “What happened? I don’t deserve this. Give me another chance, I can be better.” But there were never more chances. At that point I had already made up my mind, and I left consoled by the fact I knew there would never be a change and there was hope for the relationship. No second guessing myself – it was done.
So why the wedding preparation then? Things have sounded pretty grim to this point haven’t they? Well, not to be cliche, I met someone and everything changed. Yup, there is a reward for holding out for happiness and not letting yourself get mired in a game of control, deceit, and coercion. Risking a lifetime of loneliness is actually preferable to a lifetime of partnered torture, and gives the benefit of a chance at a genuine good relationship. Dreams do come true, lights at the ends of tunnels, fairy dust, and all that jazz.
So what will the blog be about? Well I guess the space between where I am now and where I’ve been, with doses of where I’m planning on going. Sometimes the psychology of staying in bad relationships, sometimes the airy pleasure of finding a good life partner, sometimes griping about the expense of wedding costs and of costs of life in general, and sometimes the nitty-gritty of building jellyfish (I’ll explain the significance in the future) decorations out of party supplies and household items. I’m also going to try to go along posting links and helpful tips as I find them, for those in Ontario (though some may apply to anywhere) seeking to have a wedding on a budget (and not a $20,000 one!).
I hope you stick with me – maybe I’ll spark you to leave a bad situation. Maybe right now you are where I was and feel pretty awful.
At the very least it should be entertaining!
I’ll leave you with a good jellyfish link for now….
The best jellyfish building project I’ve found so far….save the puzzling search for a suitable plastic bowl